Monday, July 27, 2009

A sense of Renewal...

July 27th, 2009

This is my first post in a very long time. It started out as my get to my marathon goal, and it got ugly in places. I gave up. Yes, I gave up. Not for good, but for about 3-4 months since my last run when my knee pain started on my taper run on April 4th. Four weeks from when I was supposed to run my very first marathon. I was in too much pain to get to my race day. In fact I felt so bad about not running I couldn't even go and cheer on my friends. I think I would have cried. So I didn't go. I spent time with my family instead.

 I may never run a marathon, but I figure it is just good to be healthy, and to run. My physio guy believes I will be able to do a half again. I am happy with that. I am happy just to MOVE my body!

I have decided (well a week or two ago) that today is the day to get back on to track. You see, without my running everything falls apart. It is not because I don't want to run. I DO want to run. I have run about 5 or 6 mini walk runs since that one bad run back in April. It feels like a lifetime ago that I ran fluidly, strong. Energized. Fit. smaller. 

Today, I stood on the scale and I weigh in at 174.6 -- I am not too proud of that number. Or the fact that absolutely nothing in my closet fits. That my bras are too tight. My smaller clothes stare back at me from the closet. Seeing them I feel like a big failure. 

So, instead of going WAY off the deep end. I am nipping this back in the bud. Before I put on all of the weight I have lost. 

Time to start recording my eating, counting calories. Eating smaller portions. And get out there and walk. I can WALK!  I am allowed to walk. My awesome physio guy says so. So...tonight I start walking. Even though I have plugged up ears,  I cannot taste and I have a cold. I can still walk! So, I am going to be excited about walking.

Another motivation is that my 20 year high school reunion is in about 60 days. I won't be able to take off ALL of the weight, but I believe with hard work, dedication and determination I can do it. I can lose a BIG chunk of what is put on. Shifting my mental power switch back on.

I updated my weight ticker, I updated my measurements. I recorded my eating so far. I have decided to record my eating at this time. Try something new!  I am back taking my vitamins. I feel good for the first time in months. I couldn't do this even a week ago. I just had to say ENOUGH is ENOUGH. Don't put yourself last, don't use that ugly 'fat' talk tape that goes through my head on most days. Flip the switch. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. And go! Go do what you can do! So that is what I am doing.

Time to take it off, and reach that end goal. No more! Time to take back my life and my health.

I have just over eight weeks to kick it! And then I will remove the rest by Christmas. Then, I will go on the wait list for my vein surgery. That is the plan!

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