The morning after...

I feel a bit sore, but I think this sore feeling is that good sore feeling! Like I actually did something good for my body. I cannot wait to run tomorrow morning!

I also wanted to say that even though I just ran 7 sets of run 1 and walk 2 minutes. It is amazing the effect it has on my mental feelings! I know I am not any more thin, or that I weigh less than I did yesterday. I just find the way I look and feel about my body is HUGE improvement! I actually feel better when I look in the mirror. And, as I walk around. That is the power of running, and the mind. Amazing!

I feel like I am walking taller, and stronger. That is exciting! I haven't felt like that for MONTHS, and MONTHS!

P.S. I ate healthy all day yesterday, but I ate chocolate and cookies with coffee last night. I shouldn't have had that stuff, but I did. I will up my calories to 1500 daily.

Ist Run since July 31st!

Well, tonight was the very first night of my clinic, we did our intros and I realized I have been in and out of the RR since January 2005! I must love running to do that for so long!

So, tonight we ran:

2.87 km

24:03 time

208 calories burned

Feel GREAT! I feel motivated, and look forward to running Sunday morning again! Yay! My instructor is awesome, and her and I were in the Marathon clinic together, except she got into a serious accident at the beginning and didn't run for quite some time. So, it was nice to catch up with her!

And, an old friend/preschool Mom joined too because I inspired her. So yay!

Tonight is the NIGHT!

Wow, I was charging up my Garmin, and taking a look at previous runs!

My last run was July 31st!

I tried to run about 15 times between April 4th and now.

Changing my weight in my Garmin to read 187 pounds. Also, finding all of my gear. So I can be ready to run tonight.

Wish me luck! It is going to take a lot of effort to get back to where I was, and then some. I feel it in me that I will achieve that goal this time around.

I had lots of water today, ate healthy and plan on eating about 1300 calories a day for now. See how that goes.

I am tempted to take my measurements, but I don't know if I want to depress myself with my reality of what size I am.

I am in the 'obese' category (a fraction about overweight) still enough to make me work my tail off! LITERALLY!

Tomorrow

Well, I went out on Monday evening and signed myself up for the learn to run clinic which starts tomorrow. It is a ten week program three times a week.

I am excited nervous. Hoping that my hip will be awesome! Thankfully it is a nice gradual program which has worked for me many times in the past.

I also had to buy new running gear. ALL new because, nothing fits. I went from a size small, to a size medium/large. I bought cheaper gear because it is all going to be too big come Spring. I feel rather disappointed in myself for having bad eating habits, and not sticking to any sort of plan. But hey, I forgive myself and allow myself to move on and learn from this past year. I realized maybe I don't need to run marathons or do a huge triathlon (but I can still dream about it for now!) But just realize to run even 5 km is important. If I do that three times a week, I am running 15 kms a week. That is fine (For now)

Big goals both personally and professionally coming up in 2010. Yes, I am already thinking that far ahead! I like to set attainable goals, and I am hoping that this will be my reality again. Back into my size sixes.

Oh, how I miss you size six.

Oh how I will wear you in the early new year! Oh how running is going to feel amazing! Just to be able to MOVE, and breathe and get away from it all. SO amazing.

So, today I need to prepare for tomorrow night. Find my garmin, and set it for 1 min run, 2 minute walk. I cannot even remember for how long. It doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that I give it my best.

I can do that.

Halloween Treats - Take 2

Yesterday, well last night. I took the two huge bags of candy and put them into the van and locked them in there.

I figure out of sight, out of mind. So far we are all OK with this.

I am getting excited to register for the "Learn to Run" clinic that starts next Friday. I have been missing my old friend 'running!' SO glad to be able to try again. I am not so happy that none of my running gear fits me. That sucks. So, I will be buying some 'larger' gear, and move my way back down into my happy sizes again.

If the running doesn't work out this time, I won't waste any more time thinking about running or future running goals. I feel that I will be OK though. I find it hard to believe I haven't run regularly since April 4th. That is already seven months.

So easy to get out of the regular routine, and fill that exercise time with other stuff. Exercise has to be a priority that is for sure.

Plan B? That will be Jazzercise.

P.S. Did you know last night I woke up off the couch at 3:30 and there was an infomercial on for a fitness program. I didn't buy it. But, I saw the inspiration. So, this morning I got up. Had my water, took all of my vitamins and I also had breakfast.

P.P.S. I actually did by a program off of the TV late one night after eating nachos. I bought Slim in Six. It is still in the box. That might be plan C. Or combine the program with one of the others to get in daily exercise.

Regardless, the wheels are turning. I have goals, I have to get back on track.

Halloween Treats

OK, these treats need to go away.

Too many treats in the house.

Whoa, I suck. Bad.

This photo above, is what is going to change me. Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.

I hate the way I look. I see a fat face, fat arms, fat body.

I see a woman who is not happy with herself.

Well, let me begin with, I have failed. I am a failure. I cannot stick to a program. I have put on LOTS of weight. I have made many mistakes and I actually do not like how I look or feel. I have gone from a size 5/6 to a size 12/14. Yes. I have gone from 150 pounds to over 180 pounds. Since my last long training run back on April 4th, 2009.

I ALMOST ran a marathon. I ran 32 kms, and finished hill training. I was at my peak! I was so close...and still an important goal has not been completed. I was under 1 month away from my goal.

This year has been so good, and so bad. That is how I sum up my year. Professionally all is going wonderful, personally. Not so much. Something had to give and that was me. I dropped my healthy eating habits. And brought back the old ones. Very easily in fact. This post is hard to write, but it is necessary in order for me to move ahead.

I will keep this post short. I am still not eating right, I am not exercising...but I am going to try to run again.

I still have hip pain, but now I am not sure if it is 'getting older' pain or 'out of shape' pain. All I know is that I cannot keep on this path. I don't like myself very much right now.

I am going to join the "Learn to Run" clinic and start from the bottom. And with hopes of getting back to the top again.

I will be blogging my way through the mess I have got myself into. I will also get myself out of this mess, I call my body. My mind.

This October on the Thanksgiving weekend, I WAS SUPPOSED to be running a second marathon. I just stuffed my face with goodies and felt sorry for myself. Wishing I could be there. Well, next year...I will be there. Maybe not the marathon but hopefully a half marathon! I am going to work this body like I never have before. I am angry with my self. I have let myself down. Yuck.

Not so pretty. I feel fat and ugly. That is the tape that has been playing through my head very often. So, I have to make changes. Time to stop this self hatred. And start loving myself again. Practice what I preach. What I encourage other women to do.

There is no quick fix, there is no magic pill. I just know it takes hard work and dedication. I need to start, before I end up where I was last time. I have to stop myself. I need to get my control back over my body! I am the one stuffing myself, stuffing emotions. Not sleeping right. Sleeping on the couch most nights. This too will change!

So, there you go. There I go. I will check back soon.

The running clinic starts November 13th. A Friday even! Perfect.